Welcome, Bookender Supporting Someone With Addiction

Welcome, Superstar. I’m grateful you’re here.

Supporting someone with an addiction can be challenging. If you’re here, you’re probably carrying a kind of heaviness that most people can’t see. Maybe someone you love is struggling with addiction or in early recovery, and you’re trying to hold it all together. It’s a lot when you’re trying to help, support, and care for your loved one and not lose yourself in the process.

I can empathize. That’s why I created this space.

I’m Laura. I’ve been clean for over 30 years, but I’ve also been the one sitting in the dark, wondering what my partner was doing, worrying if I said the right thing, googling “what is hypervigilance?” I know how complicated and isolating this journey can feel.

Bookends of Recovery is here to help you feel a little less alone and a lot more equipped. You’ll find blog posts and podcast episodes that talk directly to your experience. You’ll learn about things like creating a safe space, avoiding burnout while supporting someone, having check-in conversations with your loved one, and setting healthy boundaries.

You’ll also find free worksheets, workbooks, and exercises that focus on you. Not just how to support the addict in your life, but how to care of your own needs. Because you deserve and need support, too. Not as an afterthought. Not “later, when things settle down.” Now. You’ll hear me say this a lot: "Self-care isn’t selfish." I neglected mine for far too long and I don't want you to make the same mistake.

This isn’t a place to “blame and bash the addict” or a “just stick it out no matter what” place. Whether you stay or leave is your choice and only you know what’s healthiest for you. This is a space for real talk, real tools, and real hope. No sugarcoating. No one-size-fits-all advice.
Just honest reflections and support from someone who’s been there, done that, and has the t-shirt to prove it.

You’re already doing the best you can with the tools you have. I want to help you build upon them even more.

(Be sure to check out my Resource Hub for support groups and crisis contacts.)

What You Might Be Feeling Right Now

Your pain is real.
Your boundaries are valid.
You don’t have to be the calm one, the strong one, or the fixer.
(I tried to be all of those things. Spoiler: it’s impossible and exhausting.)

You might be feeling:

·       Relief that they’re getting help (and that is a wonderful feeling!)

·       Resentment that it took this long

·       Guilt that you didn’t “do more” (Hint: you'll learn the 5 C’s—"I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, I can’t cure it, I won’t contribute to it, and I will take care of myself.")

·       Fear that it won’t last

All of these feelings are normal. Let them exist. You can love someone and still need space from the what addiction brings into your world.

Journal Prompts to Support Your Healing

Making Space for Yourself:

·       When was the last time I decided what I needed and not them?

·       What’s something small I can do this week that’s just for me?

·       What do I need to feel emotionally safe right now?

Reclaiming Boundaries:

·       What boundary have I been afraid to set?

·       What’s one fear I have about setting it?

·       What might freedom look like, not just survival?

Letting Go of the “Fixer” Role:

·       Who was I before this relationship started revolving around addiction?

·       What does showing love look like without trying to control the outcome?

·       What are three beliefs about love or responsibility I need to rethink?

Several Things You Can Do Today

You don’t have to fix everything today. But you can take one small step toward protecting your peace—and that matters.

Here are a few ideas you can choose from:

1.   Create Your Emergency Contact List
(Three people you can reach out to when things feel overwhelming.)

2.   Find One Support Resource
(Research a group like SMART Recovery,  She Recovers, etc.)

3.   Block Out “Me Time” on Your Calendar
(Even 15 minutes counts.)

4.   Practice Saying No: It’s a complete sentence, by the way.
(Decline one thing you usually say yes to out of guilt.)

5.   Write a Boundary Statement
("I love you, but I will not support you financially right now.")

6.   Remind Yourself: The 5 C’s
("I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, I can’t cure it, I won’t contribute to it, I will take care of myself.")

Build Your Support Squad

If you're feeling worn down, isolated, or like it’s all on your shoulders, you’re not imagining it. This is heavy. But you don't have to carry it alone. Not today. Not anymore.

Today, you start building your Healing Hive.

Here’s your mission:

·       Name three people you trust. Write them down. If you can’t think of anyone, who would you like to have in your corner?

·       Pick one support action to take this week:
➔ Attend a support group or meeting.
➔ Join a group online.
➔ Call a therapist.
➔ Research options if you’re not ready yet.

·       Say this out loud today (bonus points for saying it in a mirror):
"I deserve support. I am allowed to ask for help."

You are strongest when you let yourself be seen and heard. Recovery is not a solo mission. Neither is loving someone in recovery.

You’re doing something brave just by being here. Keep going.

If All You Can Do Today Is Breathe, That's Okay Too

Some days, just getting out of bed, making coffee, or taking a deep breath is enough. You are not behind. You are not failing. You are healing, even when it looks and feels invisible. I see you!

If all you do today is breathe, rest, cry, or survive the next hour you are still moving forward. You are still worthy of support, love, and care.

Progress isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s just... showing up.

Final Reminder

You’re not just a supporting character in someone else’s recovery story. You’re on your own healing path. You can hold love and boundaries in the same breath. You can protect your peace without abandoning your compassion. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Welcome to Bookends of Recovery. You belong here, too.

(If you have any questions about loving someone with an addiction, feel free to reach out. I love hearing from readers. Just a heads up: I respond to all emails except solicitors.)

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Sending positive vibes your way,
Laura