Today, we continue our conversation about betrayal trauma. The first post was published on Monday. This trauma may stem from dishonesty, infidelity, or breaches of trust, whether emotional, psychological, or even physical. If you've experienced these, my heart goes out to you. I want you to know that healing is possible, and there are different approaches to guide you on your journey

I experienced betrayal trauma during the disclosure of my husband's pornography addiction and everything that came with it. Thankfully, with hard work from both of us, I've healed, and he has been sober for over a decade.

When most people hear the term betrayal trauma, they think of a breach of trust in a marriage. But betrayal trauma can happen in many relationships—partnerships, families, friendships, even workplaces—anywhere trust has been deeply established.

This trauma may stem from dishonesty, infidelity, or breaches of trust, whether emotional, psychological, or even physical. If you've experienced these, my heart goes out to you. I want you to know that healing is possible, and there are different approaches to guide you on your journey.

I love the topic of boundaries. It's right up there with having an attitude of gratitude and self-care. Creating healthy boundaries is a crucial form of self-care, especially if you’re in a relationship with someone struggling with addiction. After the disclosure of my husband’s addiction, I realized just how much I misunderstood boundaries. I thought I was setting limits, but really, I was trying to control an uncontrollable situation, which made us both miserable. Through my own recovery journey, I learned that boundaries are about emotional security, not control. Here’s what helped me create healthy boundaries with compassion and respect.

One of the first things I lost during my husband’s active addiction was the ability to trust my instincts. Instincts are there to help us make quick decisions and keep us safe. Many of us know that feeling: walking alone in a parking lot, spotting someone suspicious, and getting that “strange feeling.” Maybe it’s a pit in your stomach, chills on your arms, or a voice in your head saying “something’s off.” That’s your brain sending an SOS, warning you to be cautious.

For addiction, the triggers are usually people, places, or situations that make us want to use our DOC or engage in an addictive behavior. When faced with a trigger, urge surfing helps you "ride out" the intensity of the temptation without giving in.

When someone experiences betrayal trauma (usually from infidelity, broken trust, or deception), our emotional responses feel overwhelming. Urge surfing helps us "ride out" these emotional waves without acting impulsively, allowing us to create space between the emotional response and our actions, which gives us a better chance at healing in a healthy way and more quickly.