Recovery & Healing Are a Loop: Show Up for Others Without Burning Out

Have you ever felt like a broken record when offering support? You provided your experience and a favorite coping tool, showed your vulnerability, and BAM! Your friend, co-worker, or accountability partner is back. Same question. Same spiral. “Why won’t Jack take me seriously?”, “There’s no way I’m getting this done!”, “How do I manage my triggers?”

You want to say, “You mean like we just talked about three days ago?” But instead, you pause. Breathe. Smile. And say it all again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

And let me be clear: This isn’t about calling anyone out for asking questions. I get it. Every time someone reaches out, it’s because they’re trying, and that matters. Your feelings are valid. Your struggle is real. This is about how we keep offering support when feeling a little worn out because being there for each other is so important to relationships, healing, and recovery.

It can help to remember what it was like to be that person. The one who can barely keep their head above water hour by hour, minute by minute, let alone remember pearls of wisdom given to them days ago.

Recovery Is Repetitive

Healing is not a one-and-done situation. There’s no “Congrats, you’ve graduated from triggers and setbacks forever!” ceremony. (If there were, I’d have worn a purple cap and gown.)

When people ask you the same questions, it’s not because they’re not listening or don’t value your time. It’s because:

• Old patterns are sticky. (Remember my two paths in the woods example)

• Emotional sobriety takes practice. It took me over a decade to even find out what it was!

• Many of us have trauma, which doesn’t allow our brain to absorb advice the first (or fifth) time. I remember my husband going through that with me after disclosure. I asked him the same questions dozens of times.

Sometimes, people need to hear it again in a different emotional state. Sometimes, they need to loop around until it finally clicks. And sometimes, they need a little grace while they figure it out, even if that means the hard way.

I was that person. I was in a 12-step meeting when someone said something I wasn’t ready to hear. Rather than acknowledge, absorb, and think about it, I disregarded it for nearly a year. Then I went to a different 12-step meeting and heard it again, and I knew I needed to hear it, listen, take it to heart, and take action.

My husband had to learn the hard way. I would offer my words of wisdom from my recovery, but he wasn’t at that place in his recovery yet. So, I had to step back, let go, and let him find his way.

You’re Not Their Hero

It’s not your job to fix anyone. (Repeat that to yourself like a mantra.) You’re here to offer support, not to rescue people from their pain or drag them across the finish line. There’s no giant “S” across your chest and you can’t fly, so don’t try.

Your job, (should you choose to accept it), is to:

• Stay grounded in your own recovery.

• Offer what you can when you can.

• Be the example, not the enforcer. (I made that mistake with my husband).

You don’t need to perform emotional CPR every time someone emotionally flatlines. Sometimes just being there, calm and grounded, is enough. Other times, the most powerful thing you can do is stand beside them and say, “I’ve been there. Here’s what helped me.” Or simply listen. How will you know what they want? Ask.

Ways to Stay Motivated (When You Feel Like You’re Repeating Yourself)

If you’re starting to feel like you should be handing out laminated tip sheets titled “Things I’ve Already Told You.” You’re not alone in that feeling. Helping others while maintaining your own recovery can get exhausting. But here are a few ways to keep going without burning out:

1. Celebrate Your Own Progress

That’s right—you’re doing the damn thing. You’re showing up, suiting up, working recovery, learning, growing, maybe even exercising, drinking water, and going to bed on time (sometimes). Celebrate that. You deserve to be proud.

2. Use Their Loop as a Reminder

Instead of getting frustrated, use it as a personal checkpoint. “Am I still using that coping skill I suggested to them? Have I checked in with myself today?” Confession: I’m terrible about recommending yoga because it worked so well for me, but I don’t do it anymore because of my surgery…yikes on bikes! Same with Zumba! Double yikes on bikes!!

3. Create a Go-To Response

You don’t have to reinvent the wheel every time. Try something like:

“That sounds challenging. This is what helped me when I felt that way. I’m happy to talk more when you're ready.”

Empathy and boundaries. Perfect combo.

4. Share a Resource Instead

Point them to a podcast episode, blog post, or workbook (like the ones on my site wink wink). You can offer support without repeating yourself endlessly.

5. Refill Your Cup

Step back when you need to. Go outside. Pet your dog. Feed your fish. Journal. Stretch. Eat something healthy. You can’t pour from an empty hot chocolate cup. Especially if it’s your favorite one and someone just asked you the same question for the fourth time this week.

What If You’re the One Asking Again?

Then welcome to the club, Superstar! We’ve all circled the same block more times than we can count. Asking again doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. You’re not broken. You’re building something new. And sometimes that means tearing down old beliefs one loop at a time.

The next time you notice yourself stuck in the same loop, pause and ask yourself:

• What’s really going on underneath this?

• Is there a feeling I’m avoiding?

• What action have I not taken yet?

Then go take one tiny step. That’s how the loop eventually opens into a new, healthy path.

Final Thoughts: Keep Being the Example

Recovery is hard. Helping others in recovery is hard. But both are worth it.

So, if you’re tired of repeating yourself, it’s okay to rest. But please don’t quit. Because someone out there is watching you. Maybe they haven’t said it yet, but they’re thinking:

“If they can keep going, maybe I can too.”

And that? That’s powerful. You’re their inspiration, and you’re mine too.

Bonus Reflection Prompts:

1. When was the last time I felt discouraged by someone else's recovery pace?

2. How can I care for myself when I feel compassion fatigue?

3. Am I staying rooted in my own recovery, or am I overextending to help others?

4. What phrase or tool can I share when I don’t have the energy to go deep?

5. Who has been an example to me in recovery, and what did they model?

Got a story about the loops of recovery? Drop it in the comments or email me. I love hearing from you, my Superstars!

Keep showing up for others, but especially for yourself. You’re amazing—and your light shines brighter than you think.

Sending positive vibes your way,

Laura