Triggers Series: Relapse Prevention
Relapse is not a sign of failure. It’s a sign you’re human and a work in progress. Sometimes, life throws unexpected curveballs at you when you’re trying to keep it together. Whether you’re fresh out of rehab or you’ve been rockin’ your recovery for years, relapse prevention is an ongoing, never-quite-complete mission—like laundry or waiting for the next season of your favorite show. I’m looking at you, RHOSLC!
But don’t panic! Just because relapse is common doesn’t mean it’s inevitable. With practical strategies and a solid support system, you can learn to recognize the red flags, handle setbacks like a pro, and keep moving forward.
This is a continuation of my series on triggers. Here are the first , second, third, fourth, and fifth posts in my series about triggers.)
Recognizing The Red Flags
If you’ve listened to my podcast, you’ve heard me talk about the moments of opportunity we have before a setback. Think of the lines on a clock face. Each of those is a moment we can step out of the urge and course correct—if we recognize the red flags when they start flapping in the wind. Setbacks don’t begin when you pick up a drink, log on to a gambling site, or whatever your DOC was. It starts long before that, creeping into your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Think of it like a pothole in the road: If you see the signs early enough, you can swerve before you blow a tire. Here’s what to watch out for:
Mental Warning Signs
Romanticizing the Past: If you catch yourself thinking, “It wasn’t that bad” or “I was more fun back then,” watch out. Your brain is editing the highlights reel and cutting out the scenes where everything went off the rails. It’s not going to show the part when you were missing important family events because you were high or drunk. It’s not highlighting the moments you couldn’t afford to pay your bills. It’s like rewatching an old sitcom, remembering only the laughs—while conveniently forgetting the cringeworthy moments.
Negative Self-Talk: Thoughts like “I’ll never be okay” or “I’m not strong enough for this” are red flags. They weaken your defenses and can lead you down a slippery slope. And that’s what our “addict voice” wants. Mine was a sneaky bitch too. It loved to whisper things it knew would bring me to my lowest point. Don’t listen to it! What do I love to say? Don’t let it live rent-free in your head! Serve it, eviction papers!
Overconfidence: Feeling invincible and thinking, “I’ve got this, I don’t need to worry about relapse anymore” is the universe’s cue to test you. That’s how my relapse happened. I was around someone who I knew used. Sure enough, she took out a variation of my DOC, and I relapsed. It didn’t even take five minutes. I had no foundation of recovery to lean on, so I relapsed hard.
Have you experienced any mental warning signs?
Emotional Warning Signs
Restlessness and Irritability: If you’re snapping at the cashier for giving you five singles instead of a five, it’s time to do an emotional check-in. Emotional turbulence is a classic precursor to relapse. Remember, your body is going to send you signs. Look for tension in your shoulders, jaw clenching, heart racing, and any other signs of anxiety.
Isolation: If you’re ghosting your friends and dodging texts, that’s a sign you’re in your head too much. And while I love spending time in my head nowadays, I still have to make sure it stays a healthy place for me to hang out. When I find myself traveling down paths that are supposed to be overgrown with thorny bushes, I know I need to take a mental step back and refocus.
Mood Swings: High highs and low lows aren’t just for rollercoasters. If you’re emotionally all over the place, pay attention. Ask yourself if the emotions you’re feeling are appropriate to the situation or if it’s possible you may be catastrophizing things.
Can you relate to going through emotional warning signs?
Behavioral Warning Signs
Going Back to Old Hangouts: If you suddenly think it’s a great idea to visit your old stomping grounds “just to see what’s up,” pump the brakes. That’s risky territory. It’s not a great idea to stop in to see if Bourbon Bob is still hanging out at your favorite dive bar or if your favorite casino still has all-you-can-eat wings on Tuesdays. You’re opening the door to guests who shouldn’t be invited inside.
Neglecting Self-Care: Skipping meals, skimping on sleep, or letting your hygiene slide (yeah, those three-day sweatpants are a clue) means neglecting your well-being. It sounds so simple: eat, sleep, exercise… then shower. But these simple tasks feel enormous when we’re on a slippery slope and feeling overwhelmed. If so, you can try what I did and set a small, manageable goal. Yes, even for the simple stuff. After disclosure, I didn’t want to eat, so I bought healthy, easy-to-grab snacks for kids. And you know what? I still eat them all these years later. Delicious! I set a goal to eat one even when I didn’t like breakfast. When I needed to unwind, I took a bath. I set a goal of putting aside twenty minutes a day for my self-care. What can you do for yourself today?
Risky Situations: Finding yourself in tempting situations and convincing yourself you’re just “testing your willpower” is a bad idea. Don’t play chicken with your triggers. If your coworkers are going to happy hour, it’s okay to skip it or even suggest going out to dinner instead. You might be surprised by how many other people would rather not spend their time shouting over each other at a bar.
Now that you know the warning signs, what if you still slip? Here’s how to handle a setback without letting it spiral into relapse.
How to Handle a Setback Without Spiraling
Alright, so you had a setback. Maybe it was just one drink, or you fell back into an old habit for a day. It happens. But it doesn’t have to lead to a full-blown relapse. Here’s how to keep a slip from turning into a landslide:
1. Don’t Panic (and Don’t Lie to Yourself)
The first rule of setbacks is: Don’t panic. The second rule? Don’t try to convince yourself it “didn’t count.” It’s tempting to minimize it, but honesty is your best weapon. Acknowledge it to yourself first—no denial, no excuses.
2. Reach Out (Yes, Even If You’re Embarrassed)
I know, I know—your first instinct is to hide it because you don’t want to disappoint anyone. But silence gives shame too much power. That’s what your Sobriety Circle is there for. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a support group, or an online community, reach out and share what happened. These are the people who understand what you’re going through.
3. Figure Out What Went Wrong (Without the Self-Loathing)
It’s time for a mini evaluation, but leave the self-hate at the door. Instead of beating yourself up, look at what led to the setback:
Were you feeling lonely?
Did you neglect your self-care?
Were you hanging out somewhere you shouldn’t have been?
Who were you with?
What time of day was it?
Were you HALT/BLAST?
Identify the trigger so you can prepare for it next time.
4. Reframe the Narrative
A slip isn’t the end of the world, and it definitely doesn’t erase all your progress. Remember, recovery isn’t about being perfect; it’s about learning to navigate life without falling back into old behaviors and patterns. Think of this as a plot twist, not the end of the story.
5. Get Back on Track (ASAP)
The longer you wait to get back to your recovery routine, the harder it gets. Dive back into your coping strategies—whether that’s journaling, meditating, exercising, or calling a friend. Momentum matters, so pick yourself up and keep moving.
Don’t worry. If you need help figuring out how to get back on track, you can use this Setback Prevention Plan. In it, you can identify high-risk triggers and behaviors and define healthy habits to get you moving forward in a positive direction.
Accountability and Support Systems: Because You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
You don’t need a 24/7 babysitter, but having people who’ve got your back is crucial. And no, you don’t need to have an AA sponsor or find spiritual salvation in a church pew (unless that’s your thing, then go for it). I used AA and moved on to other recovery options. Let’s take a deeper look at your Sobriety Circle:
Friends Who Get It (and Don’t Tempt You)
We all have that one friend who’d bring tequila to a toddler’s birthday party. Maybe give them some space for now. Instead, lean on people who understand what you’re going through and won’t sabotage your progress.
Support Groups (aside from AA)
Plenty of alternatives offer community without what some feel to be the rigid structure of traditional 12-step programs. Check out online communities, local support groups, or even recovery apps that help you track progress and stay accountable. I have a ton of resources you can check out.
Loved Ones Who Know the Real You
Recovery isn’t just about staying sober; it’s about rebuilding your life. Surround yourself with people who knew you before the addiction or those who see beyond it. Authentic connections are worth their weight in gold. Just make sure your partner isn’t your accountability partner. Those are two different things.
Professional Help
Sometimes, you need a pro. A therapist, counselor, or life coach can help you unpack the baggage that might be fueling your cravings. And no, it doesn’t mean you’re “broken”—it just means you’re smart enough to ask for help when you need it.
Do you have a good support system in place?
Final Thoughts
Relapse prevention is like tending to a garden: It requires constant attention, weeding out negativity, and planting seeds of hope. Some days are easy, and some days are an all-out battle, but every day you keep moving forward is a victory.
So, learn to recognize those warning signs, handle setbacks with grace, and lean on your support systems. And remember, you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to keep trying. When a setback happens, we pick ourselves up, figure out what happened, dust ourselves off, then keep moving forward.
Every single day you show up for your recovery, you're proving that relapse isn't your final chapter. Keep going—because your story is just getting started.
If you’re reading this and feeling on edge, take it as a sign. Reach out. Ask for help. Your story isn’t over—heck, it’s just getting started.
Now, drink some water, take a deep breath, and return to living your life. You’ve got this. And if today was rough? There’s always tomorrow.
Stay strong (and keep your sense of humor). You’re gonna need it.
If you have any questions about relapse prevention, feel free to reach out—I love hearing from readers and supporting your journey. Just a heads up: I respond to all emails, except from solicitors.
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Sending positive vibes your way,
Laura
