First Steps in Setting Boundaries in Addiction Recovery & Healing
Let’s be real: boundaries can feel as fun to set as putting together the breadbox I got from Amazon yesterday—no instructions, random pieces, and the possibility of becoming frustrated on the floor. But if you’re navigating recovery from addiction and healing, boundaries aren’t just helpful—they’re essential. Think of them as your GPS, steering you away from the potholes and speedbumps and toward a healthier, happier life that calms the chaos we sometimes feel in our brains.
Today, in another installment of my series on triggers, I focus on one of my topics: boundaries! You’ll rock at boundary-setting by using these tips and the attached worksheet. (Here are the first , second and third posts).
Avoiding High-Risk Situations (a.k.a. Don’t Poke the Bear)
You know those people, places, things, and situations that make you feel like the trigger is about to burst through? Let’s work on those boundaries first.
People: Got a friend who always says, “Come on, one drink won’t hurt”? Or maybe a family member who thinks “Life’s too short, live dangerously!” is their life motto? Or someone who tells you, “Meditation? That’s for those hippy-dippy types.” Politely (or firmly) put some distance there. Think of it as emotional social distancing. No explanation is needed, especially for those that continue to hinder your recovery and healing.
Places: If your favorite dive bar or website calls your name, it’s time to ghost them. You’re breaking up with triggers, and you deserve better than what they’re offering you. If you need to, find a different way to drive to where you’re going or change your routine so you’re not walking by the typical times you’d be there. (Happy hour, first stop after work, etc.)
Things: Even objects can be sneaky little triggers. Old shot glasses, a mirror, certain playlists, an app, a website, or even specific snacks might be tied to your past behaviors. Take the garden shears to it and cut it out of your life. Throw out what you can, delete everything possible, and use a lock box if necessary. Be mindful if it’s something you want after you’ve healed, like pictures, art, etc. You can store those out of sight until you’re ready for them.
Situations: Whether it’s holiday gatherings, work parties, family events, or stressful meetings, these situations can make a trigger pop like a firework. Be the willow tree – bend with the wind, but don’t break. Limit your time there when possible, utilize your grounding techniques (those deep breaths work!), and adapt whenever possible.
How to Say “No” Without Feeling Like a Villain
Let’s face it: saying no can feel awkward, especially if you’re trying to set boundaries with old friends, family, or yourself. But remember, “No” is a complete sentence.
The Friendly No
“Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m going to pass.”
The Firm No
“I’m not doing that anymore, and I need you to respect that.”
The Exit Strategy
“Oh, would you look at the time! Gotta feed my dog!” (Even if you don’t have a dog, this works. Think of Mike from Veep, who got away with it for years.)
Old friends might not get it. Some family members might roll their eyes. And you know what? That’s okay. You’re protecting your peace and your four walls. Your fortress is being built, brick by brick.
Action Moment: Practice saying, “No thanks, I’m good,” in the mirror until it rolls off your tongue like a pro. You can take a moment now and practice saying it out loud.
Creating Safe Spaces (Your Fortress of Solitude)
Your environment should be your ally, not your enemy. If your surroundings are triggering, it’s time to make some changes. And no, this doesn’t mean you have to flip your house—unless you’re into that.
At Home: Make it a trigger-free zone. Swap out harmful items for things that bring you peace or motivation. Plants, positive affirmations, your go-bag, and snacks that don’t lead to cravings are great additions. No worries if you need help setting up your safe space at home. You can read about setting up safe spaces here.
At Work: If office happy hours are a landmine, consider skipping them and suggesting alternative ways to connect with coworkers. (Coffee is always a safe bet.) You may be surprised by how many others prefer a quiet, cozy spot to a loud bar.
Social Life: Be upfront with friends about what you’re comfortable with. Real friends will respect your choices—the others are just extras in the movie of your life, anyway. Don’t be afraid to send them to the cutting room floor. Your goal is to surround yourself with people who align and support your recovery and healing journey.
Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting people out; it’s about letting the right people in and keeping your well-being intact. It’s like being the bouncer of your own life. And trust me, you deserve the VIP treatment.
Do you have a thought or question about boundaries? Let me know—I love hearing from readers and am here to support your journey. I respond to all emails, but not solicitors. Want exclusive worksheets not available on my website? Sign up for my newsletter.
Sending everyone positive vibes,
Laura
If you reach out, please be patient. I’m not a life coach anymore because of my health issues.
