Some of you may not know this, but I don’t just help people struggling with addiction; I also help their loved ones because I understand this side of the equation too. The questions I get asked the most are, “How will I know if my loved one has recovered?” Followed by, “Should I Stay?” <—More on that question next week.

These are challenging for me to answer. Not because I don’t know the signs of a healthy recovery, but because people generally don’t like to hear, “Well, we’re never ‘recovered,’ we’re always going to be in recovery and a work in progress.” People are a bit more optimistic when I explain that with a good, healthy recovery that is worked every single day, we can stay clean and emotionally sober.

I’m changing it up.

“No!! I hate change!!”

^^^Something the old me would say.

If you’ve listened to my podcast, you know this isn’t my first website, blog, or podcast. I’ve had a few over the years. What can I say? I love to write and talk. But I closed them for various reasons, my health being the biggest. However, I’m not going to let that stop me from helping people who are struggling. Migraines be damned!

You’re probably wondering what the change is by now. Aside from revamping the website (shout out to Tim Brownson for the feedback to give me the kick in the ass to do it), I’m also returning to my roots. You probably already noticed it over the last couple of weeks.

Raise your hand if you struggle with negative thoughts and emotions. Don’t worry—you’re not alone. We all do from time to time, and if we’re in recovery or healing, those negative thoughts and emotions can be quite persistent.

Why do we lean toward negative thinking so easily? Neuroscientists call it “negative bias,” which was great when we had to be on alert for predators over 100,000 years ago, but not so great now. The awesome thing is that we now understand our brains are malleable. We can rewire them toward positive thinking, emotions, and behaviors. The more we push our brains in that direction, the more they will go that way on their own.

One of the most frequent questions I’m asked, and I see online is, “What’s considered a relapse in recovery?” To me, it’s a personal choice. I believe that each person’s recovery is their own to define. What may be a bottom-line to me may not be a bottom-line to someone else. As you know, I quit cocaine cold-turkey over thirty years ago and then white-knuckled sobriety for years until my husband’s SLA addiction resurfaced. That gave both of us an opportunity to do a deep dive on our recoveries and really start healing from our traumas and move away from what our FOO had taught us.

As many of you know, I get migraines. Like, all the time. I used to push myself to get through the pain, until I realized I was causing myself more harm than good. So, I invested in my health and did whatever it took to find more days enjoying life, than writhing in pain in bed.

During that time, I became a moderator of a migraine forum, and that’s where I heard about the Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino.

How many of us have wondered why we struggle to connect with people or communicate effectively or why maintaining healthy relationships is challenging? Our family of origin, or FOO, may be a contributing factor. If you haven't heard of it, no worries; I didn't either until I was well into my journey of emotional sobriety. Our family of origin is the people who play a critical part in raising us.

How compassionate are you to others? When a family member or loved one is in pain or sick, do you want to help them in some way? What if they lose their job? Are you inclined to offer words of support and encouragement and let them know how valuable they are and that you’re there for them if they need you? Why is that? Because you’re caring. You have empathy. You have love in your heart.

Today’s acronym is a great reminder to take a moment to breathe before jumping into something in the heat of the moment. Especially if you’re in an argument, anxiety, or a trigger.

Pause

Action

Until

Serenity

Emerges