Have you ever heard a word that immediately made you cringe? For some, the word is “moist.” For others, it’s any abbreviated word or phrase like “rizz” for charisma or “ship” when someone wants to see two people as a couple.

For me, it was hearing the word codependency. I hated that word for such a long time. I prided myself on being an independent woman and despised any suggestion that I wasn’t. I didn’t want to be forced into a label that didn’t fit me. How could a recovering addict be codependent? It didn’t make sense to me.

I can almost hear the collective sigh across the internet as the word “journaling” was read. Those of us in recovery and healing hear it All. The. Time. Why? Why does everyone tell us to journal? The answer’s quite simple: it works. There’s something cathartic about clearing out the gunk in our brains, putting it from pen to paper or keyboard to screen. Whether you love to write or despise it, journaling is a great addition to our recovery and healing toolkit.

I’m a doer when it comes to learning and absorbing. Even in school, I absorbed new things by writing them down. It’s probably why I’m also a visual person, it helps my brain put things together. After I got my ACC in life coaching, I continued to get certified in cognitive behavioral coaching and that’s where I learned about putting our thoughts on trial. It’s another great tool to add to our recovery toolkit. This exercise makes you stop and think and pull out the puzzle pieces of your thoughts or even situations and examine them, then challenge them.

Which one are you:

Friend: "That hairstyle looks great on you. It frames your face perfectly."

You: "Really? I just wanted it out of my eyes."

Or:

Friend: "That hairstyle looks great on you. It frames your face perfectly."

You: "Thank you, I appreciate knowing it looks good."

Almost fifteen years ago, my sponsor and I were talking after a meeting, and there was a share that she wanted me to reflect on. When I explained that there wasn't much I could relate to about the share, she said, "Drop the rock."

I had no idea what she was talking about.

She said, "Your ego."

Then, she shared the parable with me. As I listened to her I realized I really had some core work to do. The parable goes:

Many, many, many (did I mention many?) years ago, I was visiting a family friend when I was first introduced to a form of Eastern Medicine tradion. I was still in high school when my friend moved to New Jersey. So, we hopped in my Chevy Nova and drove from Long Island to stay for a few days.

By the time we arrived, I had a full-blown migraine. This was long before migraines were taken seriously, let alone had medication specifically prescribed for them. When my friend’s mom saw me, she immediately asked if she could try acupressure on me.

Did you know that when you woke up this morning, you woke up with a gift? That gift is the power of choice. Not only is it a gift, but it’s also a right you get to enjoy each day. And the better you understand it, the more transformative your life can be. No matter what your situation may be, and the challenges that you're facing, you always have a choice. Your choice may be between two things or many things, but that power of choice lies in your hands. That power of choice gives you an opportunity to move toward a path in your life to make positive and amazing changes.

I remember when I was trying to process my trauma, someone in my recovery group recommended that I take some deep breaths. Here I was, getting swallowed up in memories from my past, and she was telling me to breathe. I thought she was joking, but I heeded her advice, and lo and hold, she was right.

Deep breaths worked. Who knew what we do subconsciously when applied with conscious thought, could bring such serenity? Certainly not me. Now, it's a favorite tool in my toolkit, a reminder that I have the power to calm my mind and body when tensions start to rise.