It can be challenging to talk to each other as we navigate recovery and healing. A check-in conversation can help make things go more smoothly.

H

Honesty: Each person shares openly and honestly about their recovery and healing. This is an opportunity to share about setbacks without fear and judgment. 

HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired): You can also share triggers if each person wants to hear about them. The partner may not want to know because hearing them may be triggering. 

Humbleness: The tone of the conversation needs to be humble, calm, and a safe space to share freely.

E

Emotions will be shared next. Avoid basic emotions like happy, mad, sad, and dig deeper like resentful, hurt, frustrated, scared, etc. If you need help, you use an emotions wheel.

A

Apologies: If you've done something wrong, now is the perfect opportunity to apologize.

Action steps: Share what action steps each of you wants to take, such as attending a support group, meeting, or counseling. 

Affirm your partner, "I appreciate how much work you've done on your recovery this week."

L

Letting go: What are some things you've been hanging onto that you can work on letting go of? 

Listening: Make sure you're practicing active listening as you listen to each other. There should be no distractions, which means cell phones should be on silent, with no interruptions. Maintain eye contact and practice empathy. If you're new to healthy communication, it may help to repeat or rephrase what your partner says to make sure you understand what they said. For example, "So you're saying you felt left out when that happened?"